i obsess over the small details. i always have, and i suspect i always will. when i was young and living in korea, a mere lad enrolled in kindergarten, i double—er, quadruple—checked to see that my knee-high socks were indeed knee-high. if either sock had, god forbid, slipped down a quarter of an inch or lower, i made sure to yank that sock back up to the level of its twin.
this obsessive behavior has followed me throughout my elementary, middle and high school, university and work days. ms. gardner, my high school world history teacher, made us color maps (sooo many maps). i’d lay out the map pencils on my desk and go to town. i’d color in poland in light purple, first shading left to right. after laying that first coat of purple, i’d recolor the same area, this time shading top to bottom. comforted by the fact that no one could determine in which direction i’d colored, i’d take a sheet of kleenex and forcefully rub the entirety of poland, giving the area a glossy finish. my classmates thought i was nuts. “gosh, you must have a lot of time,” they’d say.
i’m not nuts, i just like to do things…i don’t want to use the word “perfectly”…but perfectly. or as perfect as i can make them. in the grand scheme of things, i realize that it doesn’t matter how i color maps; ms. gardner was going to give me a hundred on them anyway. it’s map-coloring, not rocket science. but that extra scribble of “wonderful!” or “beautiful!” written directly beneath my 100 made me feel…relieved ::sigh::
this obsessive attention to detail has served me well (employers usually consider me a good worker), and has served me not so well (co-workers usually dislike me). and not just at work, but in life, too. my shirts appear too crisp and my korean pronunciation sounds too natural (perhaps people just don’t like me?). hey, i’m just trying to do my best, y’all. stop hatin’. this need to do my best frequently takes me into dangerous places. relationships, friendships and common courtesy go by the wayside because i’m too blinded by the goal: finish the job. work, to me, is serious. if i didn’t take it seriously, i wouldn’t do it. but life isn’t all about work, now is it?
work is work and life is life. i don’t know when we started to separate the two. i thought life encompassed every part of your existence, which includes work, but we now differentiate ‘working’ from ‘having a life.’ when work rears its ugly head into ‘life’ territory, loved ones start to complain. you hear about it all the time—a workaholic wrecks his family because he loves his job more than he loves his family. i roll my eyes when i hear stories like that.
i am reminded of that one instance in sex & the city where mr. big decides to move to paris. he makes this decision without carrie’s input; she goes berserk. “this [decision] isn’t about us,” he argues, “this is about work!” does she get it? no, she doesn’t. true, he’s using work as a means to distance himself emotionally from her, but his heart is in the right place. screw her (she’s crazy in the first two seasons!); work is more important. besides, isn’t that what she finds so attractive about him? his confident, cocky, sexy douchebaggery? okay, muddy example.
in the devil wears prada (a movie i love to have on in the background), andy sachs works for the devil miranda priestly, a woman who basically works around the clock. subsequently, andy, who has a job a million girls would kill for, has to work around the clock as well. but nuh-uh-uh, andy’s (idiotic) boyfriend nate doesn’t like that. he says (dumbass) things like “the person whose calls you always take? that’s the relationship you’re in” and essentially makes andy feel guilty for having to work really late. god, he is such a loser.
i know members of the audience are supposed to empathize with the nate character, but i just hate him because he’s such a dingbat. doesn’t he realize that she has a job? and a job that a million girls would kill to have? i never really understood the ending; i thought andy was doing the right thing, selling her soul to the devil, paving the road to a high-powered career. why did she ever leave miranda?
work is work. you do work because you have to do work. perhaps it’s to get a paycheck. perhaps it gives meaning to your ‘life.’ it is my opinion that when you commit to work, you commit 100%. like my mother says, “if you’re going to do something, don’t do it half-assed.” i fully believe in that statement. so i sit in the school office and work on lesson plans and powerpoints and class materials. i laminate, i cut, i type, i delete, i think, i write, i rewrite, i imagine, i execute, i repeat. not because my job requires me to be obsessive about every single detail, but because i require that of myself.
i work smart and hard. i don’t know how to work any other way. even if my job was picking up garbage (not that there’s anything wrong with picking up garbage), i’d do it to the best of my ability. because…why not? i really resent people for questioning my motives to strive for ‘perfection.’ you just care about yourself and leave me alone. stupid classmates making fun of me for coloring maps well.
so the ‘life’ side of life is really important. i know that. i’m not sitting in my studio thinking about tomorrow’s workday. i watch tv, i unwind, i watch 30 rock, i eat, etc. i’m in a healthy relationship, my parents love me, i pay my bills, i read (sometimes), i pick out what outfits to wear…this is my life. the balance between ‘work’ and ‘life’ is delicate; the two sides aren’t mutually exclusive. ‘work’ bleeds into ‘life’ sometimes, and vice versa. when you work too long and hard, life will somehow put things into perspective—your boyfriend will break up with you, or you get addicted to amphetamines.
but ladies and gentlemen, if your co-worker is working too hard (meaning, working harder than you), then just leave them alone. what business is it of yours if they work themselves into the ground? i mean, really. and if your beloved stays at the office until midnight, just let him/her be. do you want to be that person? “it’s either work or me. choose.” gross.
in case you were wondering, those maps from 10th grade world history class? i keep them in a shoebox that’s labeled, “things i can’t bear to throw away.”
April 22, 2009 at 3:24 am
I love this post.
I think that your attitude (very similar to mine, coincidentally) is a very Asian thing.
Of course, my life isn’t balanced at all. My friends whine and demand time, I ignore them and work some more. My family understands, though, because they are Korean.
Andy Sachs confused me, too- she should have worked her little tail off and reaped the rewards. Why couldn’t she see that??
Hope your anger has subsided (sounds like it has) and people aren’t as annoying as they can be lately.
April 22, 2009 at 9:04 pm
the anger has subsided somewhat. still hate my vice-principal.
i’m reluctant to make the work ethic thing be about asians. i know plenty of asians who act like white people.
oops, that came out wrong.
there are plenty of loser asian people who aren’t obsessive about work. i don’t know, i think it’s a personality thing. my friend roshni is a workhorse. my friend nelda is a workaholic…wait, they’re both ‘asian.’ hmmm…
i kid, i kid. well, half kidding anyway.
andy sachs should’ve just gotten an asian boyfriend. that would’ve solved all her problems. he’d probably turn out gay and she wouldn’t have to spend time with him.
April 23, 2009 at 3:36 am
Stereotypes happen for a reason, so I’ve decided to embrace them.
Andy Sachs threw away a golden opportunity. I totally wanted to be Miranda Priestly and call Andy “An-dreh-ah” and wear couture on a daily basis.
I miss watching movies. I’m going to watch this one while I work tonight.
April 23, 2009 at 7:05 am
but ladies and gentlemen, if your co-worker is working too hard (meaning, working harder than you), then just leave them alone. what business is it of yours if they work themselves into the ground? i mean, really. and if your beloved stays at the office until midnight, just let him/her be. do you want to be that person? “it’s either work or me. choose.” gross.
::
This is all good and fine until you realize that since your pyscho co-worker hates her husband and wants to spend 70 hrs at work, and since she’s the only other teacher on the grade, YOU must want to stay at school 70 hours a week, too.
No, I don’t. I like my husband.
And work isn’t life. It’s a paycheck. A means to an end. Free time going to work, or free time going to home life? Work doesn’t love me.
April 23, 2009 at 10:16 pm
jeanny: i love stereotypes. watch good movies. they feed souls.
amanda: why does someone else’s work habits make you feel pressured to work harder and longer? the teacher who sits across from me in the school office practically lives at school (granted, she’s the foreign language dept head), but i have never once though that i should keep up with her. or with diana, for that matter.
there are people who work and make their work their life. you know, those people who help orphans and feed starving folk in africa. i bet they feel really good about themselves. i envy them sometimes.
i remember watching obama on oprah maybe 2 years ago and he mentioned something about judging a person based on how ‘useful’ they were. that really stayed with me.
yeah, i’m not on topic.
April 24, 2009 at 3:13 am
amanda: why does someone else’s work habits make you feel pressured to work harder and longer? the teacher who sits across from me in the school office practically lives at school (granted, she’s the foreign language dept head), but i have never once though that i should keep up with her. or with diana, for that matter.
::
Because that’s the culture at my school. Because Ms. X is at school from 7-5 and works with students through her lunch break, and Ms. X is on the same grade, why isn’t Ms. N(ormal–me) working from 7 to 5 and through her lunch breaks? Ms. X decides that Saturday school is a great idea and asks the principal to have it, so of course Ms. N should come.
Bullshit. Ms. N shouldn’t come.
And about Obama, my usefulness is not limited to what I do at work.
April 24, 2009 at 3:03 pm
ms. x sounds like a crazy cat lady. maybe she’s just really really lonely. ms. n and ms. x should have lunch sometime and talk about their feelings.
you’re right. obama wasn’t talking about just work.
it is friday. i am so glad it is friday.
April 24, 2009 at 6:24 pm
Well, I was commenting on this post at work, but then SOMEONE (lord knows who) jammed his knee into my computer’s on/off switch and that thoughtful post was subsequently lost forever into nothing land.
However… said person was helping me proofread a grammar test that was about to make me cry after the time we were both supposed to have left, so I can’t be too mad at you–I mean him. I don’t know which co-workers are bugging you (other than the VP whose evil reign will end in physical violence… probably by my “accidental” ripping off of his hideous, purple tie (which would look cute on your neighber… or heck even my neighbor if she went for the men’s tie thing)), but I’m sorry they said that.
I will just say that I, for one, appreciate your anal retentive obsessiveness. I may have at times made comments like “you have too much free time” (probably related to your monster-awesome co-teaching class last year, that I estimate you spent AT LEAST 25 hours on, probably 10-15 of which were outside of official working hours), but that was before I realized that the things you spend that much time on, you actually ENJOY doing so. Therefore, I admire it. The department head you mentioned… well she doesn’t seem to enjoy most of the extra time she spends. That kind of obsessiveness I don’t get.
I like working with you. You teach (and work) in a style pretty different from my own, but it’s a complementary style that is highly beneficial to our students. I can count on you to do your half of stuff competently (actually, a hell of a lot more than competently, but that’s my minimum requirement in a co-worker). You tolerate my personality flaws with joviality on most days. You work hard, so you understand my occasional obsessions (which have also irked co-workers in my past).
Anyhow, I guess what I’m saying is, “Thanks!”
And have a great weekend not thinking about this stuff.
April 24, 2009 at 7:51 pm
diana: wow…thanks, that’s very kind of you to say. (sorry again about the knee and computer). i do enjoy working on the little details. a little voice in my head goes “you know what? you can make it perfect. so make it perfect!” maybe that’s, like, my drug. anyway, you keep me on track (on trail?) and you’re more knowledgeable about english grammar than i am, so of course i totally count on you more than / just as much as you count on me. have a great weekend and let’s enjoy the next 2 weeks of nothing.
April 24, 2009 at 7:55 pm
Ms. X is 27 and married to a 42 year old man that I’m convinced she doesn’t actually like. They own no cats, only dogs.
April 24, 2009 at 8:57 pm
(o_O)
that’s crazy