dollop of solipsism

my friend kate writes in the ‘favorite movies’ section of her facebook page, “movies about food, ang lee…so really, eat drink man woman.” before the elegiac brokeback mountain, the glorious crouching tiger, hidden dragon, the moody the ice storm and even before the dainty sense and sensibility, there was the savory eat drink man woman (飲食男女).

released in late summer of 1994, eat drink man woman, director ang lee’s third feature, tells the story of a semi-retired (master) chef’s relationship with his three daughters: jia-jen, a schoolteacher, is a devout christian and is dangerously close to ‘old maid’ status; jia-chien, the most beautiful of the daughters, is a workaholic and is desperate to escape the confines of the house; jia-ning, a romantic at heart, is a university student who works at wendy’s (which is a rebellious act in and of itself).

i’m a sucker for dramas, particularly family dramas, and eat drink man woman explores the dynamics between the members of a repressed chinese family exquisitely. the sunday night ‘torture’ dinners most exemplify the essence of the chu household: the father puts an elaborate meal of traditional chinese cuisine on the table, where his three daughters sit quietly, unwillingly. barely anyone eats anything before the weekly ritual is over and the food is packaged in tupperware.

the title refers to an old chinese saying that sums up the basic desires of man—food and sex. there is plenty of sex in the movie (it has a transformative power for most of the characters) but the food, the food…

let me describe the food. if costumes are the visual effects in the devil wears prada and the sex & the city movie, then the food acts as the visual effects in eat drink man woman. the first five minutes of the picture, completely wordless, portrays the extravagant lengths mr. chu goes to to make the sunday dinners. there is steaming, sauteeing, boiling, de-feathering, chopping, smothering, slicing, dicing, stuffing…most reviewers warn viewers not to watch this film on an empty stomach. take heed.

though i’ve made the story sound very chinese-heavy, it’s actually not. one of the screenwriters, james schamus (a longtime collaborater of ang lee), is jewish. he wrote the dialogue in english with jewish characters in mind. then the chinese screenwriters translated the words into chinese, added chinese flavors and changed the names. voila! a universal tale. who doesn’t recognize the sometimes-awkward relationship between fathers and daughters? the things you say. the things you don’t. the things left unsaid. i can certainly relate, and i’m not even a daughter.

lee, who, in his earlier work, usually scrutinizes the cultural gap between chinese-american children and their parents, here inquires into the generational gap between the patriarch and his offspring. the father says, “i don’t understand any of them, and i don’t want to know. let them grow up and leave. it’s like cooking. your appetite’s gone when the dish is done.” this is what the father says, but it is not what he means (because asian people speak in code), especially when it comes to the second daughter.

i and, to a certain extent, the movie identify with jia-chien. she most physically resembles the absent mother, and has the most complicated relationship with the father. when she was young, mr. chu used to take her to the kitchen and she’d learn culinary techniques from him. as she got older, he pushed her farther and farther away, eventually out of the kitchen. both of them suffered emotional scars from each other. the final scene in the film is between these two characters, and that scene, which comes after 120 minutes of comedic fluff and stifling melodrama, is loaded with emotional payoff.

eat drink man woman is the third, and most sophisticated, film in the “father knows best trilogy” (the others are pushing hands and the wedding banquet). story-wise, it is the most ambitious; there are numerous characters and subsequently, multiple subplots, and the screenplay deftly juggles between comedy and drama. when it comes to technique, eat drink man woman is superior to lee’s two previous efforts. in an interview, lee explained how, due to the success of the wedding banquet, he was allowed freedom to do “real cinematography.” without a question you feel the damp, gloomy atmosphere of the chu family’s house.

i know i’ve rambled on and on about how the film is great, but i believe i’ve made the film sound too dark. it isn’t. while fifty percent of the movie is melodrama, the other fifty percent is light comedy. as the daughters eventually get entangled in romantic relationships, we, the audience, laugh at the situations they are in because the circumstances the girls find themselves in are hilarious and unexpected. also surprising is the (almost) ridiculous family event that occurs in the middle of act III which i will not reveal to you. insanity.

don’t be scared of subtitles (i truly think subtitled films have a greater chance of touching me—the words somehow are more poignant). though eat drink man woman is entirely in mandarin chinese, the story is familiar and sad and true and funny and deep. plus, it shows you how richly amazing chinese cuisine is (none of that panda express bullshit). and it’s ang lee, oscar-winning director! what more can i say? hm…even hollywood took notice of eat drink man woman by remaking it into the subpar tortilla soup. oh, and the theme to sex & the city the series you thought was original? it’s actually part of the original score for this film. how’s that?

♦ the last time i hit the gym was monday morning, and that ain’t good. i’ve been using sickness as an excuse not to go. the past three days have been restful, not to mention slow, and since i’m now fully recovered, i will be at the gym tomorrow morning at 9am sharp. [i've really been very good about going to the gym at least five times a week for the past two months; this cold just threw me for a loop.]

♦ didn’t go to school on wednesday, thursday or friday because my supervisor said i didn’t have to come in. all the students were on trips, so there were no classes. i’m pretty sure everyone else in the office had to come in on those days, but whatever, i’m special. i didn’t do very much during the mini-holiday; the significant other and i did a lot of eating and lying around the house. i’m a big fan of taking the word ‘resting’ literally.

♦ this morning we woke up early and cruised in the downtown area. while i’m usually frugal, the tendency to spend money comes out when free time is given to me: we had lunch at bennigan’s (which was disappointing, as it always is; i’m beginning to think we both suffer from short-term memory loss), i purchased a much-needed, 250GB seagate portable hard drive for ₩115,000 and i also ended up at dong-a shopping center, where i bought a new electric shaver for ₩80,000 (at 40% off). and we had ice cream sundaes at mcdonald’s.

the third graders at my high school were supposed to spend the day at woobang tower land this afternoon, but i spotted at least half a dozen of them in downtown, dressed to the nines. the ones who saw me greeted me (which is a sign that they’re good kids) and told me they were hungry, but i didn’t fall for that trick. korean students always say they’re hungry when they see teachers outside of school; they do that so you feel obligated to buy them food.

♦ my little sister wrote me an email and told me how this is the last week of school for her as an 8th grade student. i congratulated her and didn’t think much of this little milestone (graduation from middle school), when it dawned on me—i’m twelve years older than she is. which means, it’s been 12 years since i was a freshman in high school. time really flies; how is she a teenager and how did i get so old?

♦ speaking of old, i recently rediscovered my love for kim wan sun (김완선), a huge pop diva back in the day when i used to live in korea (first time around). i clearly remember her dance moves and pop hits in the late eighties. most of my friends grew up with duran duran and madonna and whoever else was popular in the states in the 80’s, but i remember kim wan sun, who was korea’s “madonna,” korea’s “dancing queen.”

too bad she didn’t inherit madonna’s longevity; in the mid-nineties, ms. kim moved into the chinese market and released a couple of mildly successful mandarin-language albums in taiwan. i used to watch her on a ton of taiwanese variety shows, always playing a little ditzy korean girl (her mandarin is actually quite good), and i can even hum some of her chinese singles. i think, in general, the taiwanese received her well.  

nowadays, ms. kim lives in hawaii (according to wikipedia) and occasionally pops up in korea or taiwan to remind us of her existence. below is a video of a live performance of 삐에로는 우릴 보고 웃지 (1990), which i think is her strongest single. the title roughly translates to “pierrot sees us and laughs.” while it is a dance pop song (with a dance break at the 1:25 mark), the lyrics are quite poignant (it’s about a clown, i think, who’d rather see the truth in sadness than the falsity in happiness…i think it’s supposed to relate back to her and how she’s a performer and has to be happy and bubbly all the time).

anyway, without kim wan sun, there’d be no big bang or son dambi or wonder girls. she is awesome, and more talented than most people give her credit for (she sang live during most of her performances). enjoy the song below.

how to be a korean (food edition) here
how to be a korean (gift edition) here

1. white shoes are in. this is particularly true in regards to korean men. in downtown daegu, the majority of the males wear white shoes that are spotless. the amount of cleaning that goes into owning such shoes is enough for you to screw the trend, actually, but these boys don’t care.

personally, i dig this fashion craze because i think white shoes make you look young and modern. whether you’re wearing loafers or tennis shoes, even after labor day, the brightness at your feet make you look so fresh. so fresh and so clean clean.

2. potato sacks are now wearable. remember that episode of “i love lucy” where the ricardos and the mertzes visit paris and lucy, upon attending a fashion show, must (must!) own a gown made by a parisian designer, causing ricky to give her a handmade gown constructed out of potato sacks and she parades around town thinking it’s real haute couture? you remember?

apparently, all girls in korea have seen that episode (i exaggerate only a little) and are copying that style of dress. playing with volume is very much in play when it comes to women’s clothing, and most noticeable are these giant, billowing tops young ladies wear over skinny pants or tights. oversized on top, undersized underneath. just like potato sacks.

3. boys and skinny pants. the majority of young men prefer skinny pants to all else. baggy jeans, tailored trousers, loose khakis are out. nothing strikes a korean girl’s fancy like a tall thin boy in black skinny jeans. we can thank korean pop idols and audrey hepburn for this fad.

i’m not a fat person—in fact, i’m quite thin—but i would not be able to fit into some of the jeans these korean boys fit into. i mean, jesus christ, they are really tight. korea is not a land for fat people, i tell ya.

4. the bowl cut for women, asymmetrical bangs for fellas. the bowl (or mushroom) cut has been in style among korean women (and some men) for a few years now. i don’t really have much of an opinion on this trend, though i’m sure many westerners can’t understand why it’s happening. in truth, i think the cut looks great on some students. for the older ladies (like for once popular singer bada, left), it is not good.

i’m more interested in the asymmetrical bangs for the fellas. one of the students in class 1-2 who i really like came in one monday morning with a brand new haircut. instead of a straight bang line most boys—um, people—have, his came down at a severe diagonal to the right. and you know what? it looked great on him.

my face can’t pull off such a dynamic cut, but for those faces that can, more power to them. the asymmetrical thing is so cool, so european. makes me want to grow out my hair and do something drastic with it (like what micky yoochun did, right (except i would never do that to my hair)).

5. high hi-tops. thank big bang for popularizing the 80’s-inspired hi-tops. in making this list, i’ve realized to what degree style in korea is influenced by pop stars. these stars, called ‘idols’ by the koreans, govern what is fashionable. maybe it’s because korea is a smaller country or because koreans are more obsessed with youth culture, but i never saw this strong a connection between the famous and the masses in the states. or maybe we just have so many different ‘looks’ going on at the same time, you can’t really pinpoint what one item is ‘hot.’ i dunno…

i, for one, do not like these hi-tops. but you know, i’m a loafer man.

6. funky glasses. nerdy, geeky, thick spectacles frames are all the rage, and they come in all colors (even white) and sizes. i haven’t seen wire frames on anyone young since my arrival three years ago; me thinks the plastic is here to stay for the long haul. however, if the style changes, i can predict the next stage in eyewear in korea: the scuba style (already seeing them in high-end department stores).

7. handbags are a must. for men, for women, for all. unlike the US, which is mostly a driving kind of place, korea is mostly a walking country. i went to a bar in houston and brought my man-bag (or murse) with me. the bouncer asked me, “did you drive?” and i answered, “yes.” “can you put your bag in your car, then?”

i was offended by the suggestion and handed my bag over to him so that he could make sure i wasn’t smuggling in guns or drugs. only after the inspection was i allowed to enter. okay, so i didn’t need my bag with me, but at the same time, why was it such a big deal for me to carry my bag into a bar? i hate putting my wallet in the back pocket of my pants. a) it creates bulk and b) it stretches the fabric.

most places in korea are made for walking, so a handbag is a necessity for most. currently, my handbag of choice is this giant, white adidas sports bag. my friend elaine remarks, “your purse makes my purse look like a sissy.” what can i say? i have a lot of baggage.

8. your cell phone is a status symbol. koreans aren’t kidding around with their cellphones. they hold onto them for dear life, they take advantage of all the functions (mp3, satellite tv, internet, digital camera, video games, texting, calling) and they upgrade their ‘handphones’ (and subsequently, their digits) frequently. the ice cream, the lollipop, the haptic, the haptic 2, the prada, the black label series, the chocolate…these things mean something to koreans (they are the names of phones). the hottest stars have endorsement deals with cyon, LG, SK telecom, KTF, anycall; a large percentage of ads on tv are for cellular phones; there are zip codes devoted to the districts of cell phone stores.

your cell phone is part of your identity, and it is a status symbol. therefore, there is a whole market out there for the decoration of cell phones: stickers, cases, holders, accessories, etc. the beloved owns the haptic 2, which was purchased at the low price of $800. and guess what? it does buy you dinner and it does cuddle after sex.

9. do not be afraid of color / patterns. diana and i were having a joint theatre project-related class one day last week when one of the male students in class 2-6 walked in. he was totally hot pink. hot pink and white striped shirt. red glasses. hot pink pants (that were, i think, capris). his socks were also probably hot pink. did anyone question his taste level? no, because you just have to assume nobody in korea has american taste. what flies in korea would never fly in the states (maybe in new york city, but that’s because nyc is its own country). i will even go out on the limb and say that korean fashion is edgier and more fashion-forward. it may not always be tasteful, but it’s almost always fun.

10. the shorter the miniskirt…. nina garcia says, “shiny, tight and short is the quickest way to look cheap,” but nina garcia doesn’t live in korea. back when i was teaching middle school, i asked a class of boys what their favorite season was. “summer,” they said. “why?” “because the girls wear short skirts in the summer.” i nodded.

indeed, korean girls wear the tiniest, most provocative skirts (and shorts) you’ve ever seen. nobody accuses these women of being whores. however (and this is a big however), if the girl wears jeans and a tank top, then she may hear a “slut” or two. the length of the bottom don’t matter; the more revealing the top, the sluttier you look. i think it is the opposite in the states. we usually think girls are slutty if their skirts or shorts are too skimpy, but tube tops are classy!

i think i read somewhere that traditionally, korean men have found womens’ bare shoulders incredibly erotic (i’m having tense issues with that sentence). thus, that idea has continued all these years. korean women wear t-shirts at the gym (i’ve yet to see plain and simple sports bras on korean ladies) and delicate, short-sleeved confections in the hot days of summer. rarely do i see off-the-shoulder or strappy tops. on the off chance that there is a korean girl walking down the street in a tank top, no doubt there will be dozens of pairs of eyes staring at her accusingly from behind, following her whoredom.

sunday night, i left the doors to the veranda wide open, which allowed the cool air to sneak in. i woke up monday morning normal and had an energizing run on the treadmill at the gym. the start of a great week.

i went to school and that’s when the symptoms started appearing—the nose simultaneously stuffy and runny, the nasal voice, the general feeling of despair, crankiness. it’s not swine flu because i didn’t come in contact with anyone foreign this past weekend (and we know that only foreigners can get swine flu).

ugh, i don’t usually get sick very easily, but this one just crept up on me. at least this case of sickness isn’t severe (no coughing, sneezing, sore throat, headache, pain, nausea, vomiting, etc.). probably just a slight cold.

luckily, wednesday → friday is an unofficial holiday for me (snaps for me!) because the first and second graders are on out-of-town field trips. my co-teacher informed me that i could just not show up for the rest of the week, so long as i don’t leave the city. unluckily, i’ll spend most of tomorrow in bed in want of shaking this cold.

hopefully:

sleep + rest + the final two episodes of my name is kim sam soon = cure

i’m really into suspenders (멜빵 in korean). i’ve been into suspenders since high school, when someone i admired from afar wore suspenders on a daily basis. i thought to myself, that’s hot.

i’m no fool, though. i know my body type and know what looks good on me. i’m not delusional in thinking that t-shirts or briefs are flattering for my body. like tim gunn says, it’s all about silhouette, proportion and fit.

having said that, even i’ll admit that suspenders are a stretch. not all people can pull of suspenders; once in a while, in a sea of koreans downtown, i’ll see a very daring youngster pulling the look off. once a necessary part of the male wardrobe, suspenders, over time, have lost their quality as a functional accessory. we have buttons and zippers and belts to hold up our pants now.

but i still like the look of them. on me, they bring the eye in at the waist and farther out at the shoulders (my mama gave me narrow shoulders), creating the illusion of a ‘v’ line, or, wider shoulders. i bought a pair (a pair?) of brown ones over the weekend at daegu’s x-milano for ₩8,000 (≈$8.00). today, i paired them with a pair of dark brown trousers and a crisp white y-shirt. besides the one student in class 1-1 who said i looked like “a bodyguard,” the suspenders got an okay reception.

what do you think?

i woke up saturday morning all hazy. the first thing i usually do in the mornings is turn on my computer because, admittedly, i have a serious addiction to the internet.

i pulled up my gmail account and my attention was immediately grabbed by the subject line: O!M!G! it was sent by my friend (yeah, the one) from college who is usually calm, if a bit easily excited at times.

what could this be? i asked myself.

OMG, OMG, OMG, i think i might have bought a vibrator by accident!!!!  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

My neck and lower back always hurt, courtesy of the slight malformation of my spine. So during my annual check-up last week, I told the doc about it, and asked if there is anything I can do, besides going to see a physical therapist twice a week.  He said to use heating pads, and get a massager.  So I got one from Amazon.  Anywho, it came today, and because it didn’t have a lot of instructions on how to use it, I did some search online, and apparently, it’s a very popular vibrator!!!!!!!!!!  OMG!!!!!

what is there to do but to laugh? she and i share a love of sex & the city, and i immediately recalled the episode where samantha is at the sharper image, trying to return a ‘neck massager.’ i replied:

remember most of those massagers CAN be used as vibrators (according to samantha). so it’s probably a massager, except it can also double as a vibrator. which is win-win for you. give it a shot.

realize that i’m saying this to a person who is quite prim, uptight and sheltered. i remember sitting on the floor of her studio apartment in gramercy with my laptop flipped open, gay and straight porn playing. “this is a penis,” i explained to her, “and this is what happens to a penis when it gets excited.”

we dissected what goes on during intercourse for a while; there might have been chinese food involved. “this is the clitoris. apparently, it’s very important to a woman,” i went on, “according to most of my female friends, the vagina is a fickle bitch.” and then, in the middle of penetration, my laptop died. i am not even joking—jude II (my laptop’s name) just died. the powers that be did not want me to continue with this impromptu sex-ed course.

so yes, i hope my friend loosens up a bit and uses the neck massager for her neck, back and…other parts. i did warn her not to insert the entire thing into her self-cleaning oven. “well, of course i’m not going to do that! the on/off switch is on the shaft…er, body.” i’m glad she’s considering it.

♦ got a phone call in the school office today. “william, telephone,” office assistant miss park hollered across the room. um, okay, i thought, who the hell would call me? “hi, william!?” an excited out-of-breath female voice on the other end. “yes?” “this is so-and-so, i tried calling you four times!” i pull out the cell in my desk drawer to check the four missed calls from an unknown number. i couldn’t place her. “remember, you worked at the cheong-rim elementary school winter camp last winter (2008).” “oh yes. i remember. you are very tall,” i said.

it was a weeklong camp in the dead of winter and the kids were fantastic and my lessons were great. she was calling to invite me to teach at their summer english camp in july (on top of things, this ambitious teacher). i checked my calendar and told her i couldn’t go because of a gifted class i’m required to teach. plus, cheong-rim elementary school is way on the other side of town. she asked if i could change the date of the gifted class. she offered me more money because i live so far away. she had tracked me down and she wasn’t taking no for an answer.

“i really want to see you teach again. you know you’re the best native english teacher in daegu.” i laughed. crazy, tall woman. crazy, tall woman who speaks the truth. i handed the phone off to ms. suh, my supervisor at my current school. i whispered, “this teacher wants me to come to her school to do an english camp on these dates,” i point at the calendar. “please tell her i can’t come. i can’t say no to her.” so ms. suh told the woman i can’t come, which made me feel bad. how can you say no to someone who thinks you’re the best. native. english. teacher. in. the. city???

♦ it’s sex & and the city weekend on onstyle. the cable channel is playing the oprah episode with all the leading ladies, the series finale and the movie. i know what i’ll be doing for part of the weekend.

♦ yesterday, i spent two hours talking to the native chinese instructor at our high school, ms. kim. she’s young and comes from shenyang, china. i enjoy chatting with her because she’s warm and casual, which is a vibe i don’t get from korean women. i might start to hang out with her on the weekends (she lives close by). hey, practicing mandarin is always a good thing.

♦ i finally purchased plane tickets. i’ll be departing for home august 7 and returning back to korea august 30th. it’ll be a nice, long vacation.

♦ i really really really want to supervise a grade-wide musical next year. remember those musicals we had to perform in elementary school? i so want to guide next year’s first or second graders through an elaborate production filled with song and dance numbers. i especially enjoyed “shapin’ up santa,” the fourth grade musical we put on at my elementary school. it’s a holiday-themed story that begins with santa’s sudden weight gain. he’s too fat to go down people’s chimneys so he has to join a gym, owned by betty body. i think the kids would love it.

how to be a korean (food edition) here

1. come bearing gifts. there are two types of scenarios in regards to visiting people’s homes. scenario A is “going to a home that you frequently visit”: the neighbor lady, a distant relative, a friend, etc. for these house calls, bring fresh produce, such as apples, oranges, pears, korean melons, a watermelon, strawberries or whatever is in season.

gift-wrapping is not necessary; just carry the fruit in a black vinyl (read: plastic) bag or (if you’re classy) a shopping bag. humbly present the lady of the house with the goodies and she will thank you. in chinese, we say ‘yi si, yi si,’ meaning, it’s not what’s inside that counts, it’s the gesture.

scenario B is “going to a home you’ve never visited, or rarely visit”: a housewarming, your boss’s apartment, your parents’ for chuseok (korean thanksgiving), your in-laws’, etc. for these occasions, you’re going to have to spend a bit more dough. gifts can range from expensive—a package of steaks, ginseng (or the reddish 홍삼), whiskey—to modest—a dozen cans of spam (or tuna), laundry detergent, a box of korean refreshments / energy drinks (like bacchus, vita500, miero fiber or vegemil), candles (especially for a housewarming) and cake (because everyone likes cake).

other gifts are possible, of course, but the above lists work just fine. i suppose koreans like things you can eat or use; none of that ‘vase’ or ‘cool clock’ crap. if they had wanted a decorator, they would’ve hired one. bring gifts when you plan on staying at their house for a few hours. if you’re just meeting them at their home and then going off somewhere, then screw it, you don’t gotta bring nothin’.

2. bring back souvenirs from your trip. a lot of teachers at school go elsewhere to study for an extended period of time. when teachers, let’s say english teachers, sign up for a 2-month long ‘cultural experience’ / ‘training program’ in the states, it’s considered a work-related vacation. upon their return, the travelers are expected to bring back items that indicate the place(s) visited: pens, key chains, chocolate, regional snacks, etc.

i personally have received chocolate from chejudo (a school trip to chejudo), a pen from UCSD, a key chain from las vegas, etc. what teachers are doing in las vegas, i don’t know. i suppose this social rule exists so that you ’share your wonderful experience’ with all the co-workers who weren’t fortunate enough to go.

3. spend more money after you’ve just made a major purchase. when you buy a new car or a new house, buy the entire office energy drinks. i don’t have an explanation for this, but i think it’s expressing, ‘come celebrate this glorious occasion with me!’

4. let’s commemorate this important event with a towel. i have written about koreans’ love of towels before. whenever there’s a major event at our school, the entire staff receives hand towels with the date and event name printed on them. school anniversary? towel. sports day? towel. trailblazing lecture? towel. an individual teacher’s wedding? towel. i have over ten hand towels and i have bought none of them. score!

5. be modest and accept gifts with two hands. when someone offers you a gift, reject it. after refusing the gift for an hour or two, act as if you are only accepting the gift to take the burden off of them. and since christ died so that you can use both of your hands, do it.

6. money is a great gift. for weddings, you are allowed to bypass the gift registry or hours of thinking and just hand over cold hard cash (in a white envelope, of course, for you are not a gangster). ₩30,000 is the perfect amount to give to someone you’re acquainted with. ₩50,000 is a good number for a friend. amounts starting with even numbers (2, 4, 6, 8) should be avoided, but round numbers like (100, 200, 300) are acceptable. it’s kind of nice to be able to give money as a gift without people thinking it’s tacky or thoughtless. whatev, americans, whatev. [money (in an envelope) is an appropriate gift for family occasions, such as weddings, funerals, birthdays, holidays, graduations, etc.]

7. wait to open the gift. for teachers’ day, ms. kim, korean language teacher at the high school i work at, and also my student in the teachers training course for non-english teachers, gave me a gift. i looked inside the brown lunch sack and found two gift-wrapped presents. even though it was 5 minutes before the start of class and i wanted to know what i was getting, a voice inside my head screamed, “no! don’t open it now.”

it’s kind of rude to open gifts in front of the giver, unless you know him / her really well. in fact, koreans have developed a habit of giving gifts as they are departing from your home, or leaving it on your table without bringing any attention to it, to prevent you from opening the gift in their presence. in any case, i’m glad my brain automatically figured out that it was in bad taste to open the CD and cute pen ms. kim had given me.

8. it’s give and take. the money you gave as a wedding gift? that’s coming back to you. that christmas present you gave your co-teacher? that’s coming back to you. the box of cookies ms. shin got me from jinhae? i presented her with a key chain from jinju. in the world of korean gift-giving, it’s pretty much what goes around comes around. in other words, if you’re a cheap gift-giver, you’re gonna receive cheap gifts.

koreans have a sort of debt calculator in their brains other people don’t have; they remember the estimated monetary value of the gifts you’ve given them. and at some point in your life, they’ll give you a gift at approximately the same value.

i think this reason goes deeper than just plain politeness. if you’re giving a poor person an expensive gift, it’s a slap in the face to them, because eventually, they’re gonna have to pay you back somehow, and they can’t, because they’re poor. thereby, you’ve just embarrassed them; hex on you. so consider the future when you give and receive gifts. you don’t want to accept a gold bar and be expected to return the favor, cuz that would be shit-tay.

9. seniority counts. give the boss something nicer than what you give the secretary. duh.

10. flower pots for new beginnings. you know a new restaurant is opening up when you see the garden outside the front door. giant pots of greens are a popular gift for newly opened businesses. i think people who are experiencing something that can be interpreted as a ‘new beginning’ can be gifted plants: wedding, a new job (our new vice principal received over thirty flower pots in the first week of school), a grand opening, a housewarming, etc. flowers symbolize life, so i guess this is appropriate? correct me if i’m wrong.

have i missed any gift-giving social rules? do i really have to mention how koreans love brand names and imported goods? holla in the comments.

last thursday, ms. shin and i had dinner at outback and then saw a show. if she wasn’t married you’d think we were on a date. ::shakes head:: no. she had purchased tickets to the multi-city concert tour featuring korea’s premier pianist, paik kun-woo, and three ‘rising stars,’ kim tae-hyung, kim jun-hee and kim sun-wook (they are not related).

at eight, we arrived at the daegu student culture center (대구학생문화센터) and i was impressed. the way ms. shin had described the venue—”this facility has an indoor pool and a gym…”—i was half-expecting a moldy, damp warehouse. delighted was i when i walked in and saw the building’s modern concert hall with top-notch lighting and acoustics.

the program went something like this:

r. wagner ~ overture zu ‘tannhäuser‘ (transcribed for 4 pianos)
d. milhaud ~ paris suite pour 4 pianos, op. 284
c. czerny ~ quatuor concertant für vier pianoforte, op. 230 in c major
s. rachmaninoff ~ symphonic dances, op. 45
m. ravel ~ ‘bolero‘ (transcribed for 4 pianos)

we settled in our very acceptable seats (front-ish center) and the lights dimmed. onstage were four grand pianos waiting to be played. the four pianists walked out: maestro paik (we shall refer to him as ‘the pro’), followed by the younger three kims (all in their early 20s, i gather), tae-hyung (‘babyface’), jun-hee (‘the perm’) and sun-wook (‘the laborer’). they all looked mighty dapper in their black tuxedos.

the wagner piece, from the opera tannhäuser, was dark, dramatic and wind-like. very wagnerian. as i watched, i noticed the particular ticks each of the four pianists had. ‘the pro’ wasn’t fond of the young lady sitting beside him, the page-turner, turning the leaf too early (he managed the scores himself); ‘the perm’ sat stiffly and permeated that air of emotional unavailability; ‘babyface’ was attentive, gentle and bouncy throughout; ‘the laborer’ sweat profusely, strands of hair stuck to his large forehead, hunched over his piano or swooned, enough times for me to think he was rivaling drama queen lang lang.

the performance ended and applause followed. two of the pianists changed seats. i see, they’re taking turns being ‘first piano.’ the milhaud (yeah, who the hell is this french composer?) was crappy (not the pianists, the music itself) so i will not give it the time of day. to me it was, as herbert greenleaf would say, ‘insolent noise.’

musical chairs again, and the czerny started. i remember playing tons of czerny when was younger. strong on melody, heavy on technique. and that’s exactly what quatuor concertant für vier pianoforte was, scales upon scales upon scales. beautiful, though. as the pianists charged toward the last bars with the final driving notes, the applause roared and shouts of ‘bravo’ were heard.

intermission, 15 minutes. in the lobby, i saw a student in my gifted literature class for middle school. her name is unique. no, seriously, her name is ‘unique.’ she’s one of my favorite students this year; bright as a bulb, sharp as a whip, and she doesn’t attend any hagwons (so there!). she was attending the concert alone and we spent most of the time talking about classical music. “there are supposed to be two encore performances,” she informed me. “how do you know?” i asked. “because that’s what they did when they performed in seoul.”

the bell signaled for us to go back in. the centerpiece of the concert, the rachmaninoff, started. symphonic dances was the last composition written by rachmaninoff, and it’s so him. moody, romantic, complicatedly textured. if i had heard the piece before, i would have loved it. i don’t think rachmaninoff is great for a first listen; the second and third dates are what counts. ‘the pro’ was ‘first piano’ and each of the younger performers each took a movement. i thought it was very well done, even though i spent most of the time grasping for the main melody and leitmotifs.

i fell asleep during ‘bolero’ so i can’t say much about it. i dislike ‘bolero’ because it’s tediously repetitive and i think all male figure skaters have choreographed a long program to the ravel (mistake!). the only exciting part of the composition is the last two or so minutes, and even that’s repetitive. standing ovation. i looked at my watch (okay, give me a break. it was 10:00pm and i had woken up at 5:30am that morning), and waited for the two encore performances. they came.

the first was sarasate’s carmen fantasy, which was vibrant and, most importantly, short (the previously performed pieces were at least fifteen minutes each). the final encore was something special: all four pianists sat in front of one piano and played lavignac’s galop marsch. the crowd laughed when hands gave way to hands, bodies gave way to bodies. arms crossed other arms and at times, one couldn’t figure out whose hand was whose. it was funny, as i think it was meant to be, and the audienced lapped it up.

after a ten minute standing ovation and many departures and returns to the spotlight, the four pianists left the stage. it was a great night for music, and i’m going back to listening to classical music now. i might not know a lot about the genre, but i know a thing or two (i used to play violin and piano…i am asian, after all). i could definitely tell that ‘the pro’ is the premier korean pianist for a reason. when he played, the technique was second to his interpretation of the music. when the young’uns played, it was more about technique. well, they’ll learn. at least there wasn’t one bum note the entire night.